Corporal Maladict
HERE BE MONSTROUS REGIMENT SPOILERS Info Name: Corporal “Maladict” Maladicta - He has two pages worth of extra names that aren’t revealed. Vampires collect names. Sex: Transgender Male - but his birth sex is female. Species: Vampire (Reformed) Appearance: Short, slim with black hair. As with all vampires, he is pale, has longer canines and always looks the epitome of style. He will often be seen wearing his Cheesemonger’s Uniform Sexuality: He likes to leave you guessing. Fandom: Discworld - Specifically Monstrous Regiment. Canon point: End of the book, on the ship with Polly and the new recruits. Room: 204 with Ianto PB: Shannyn Sossamon Journal: mal_addict Player: TF Quote: “One more thought for you, if you’ve got room. I’ve only taken a pledge not to drink human blood. It doesn’t mean I can’t kick you in the fork so hard you suddenly go deaf” History Maladict started life as Maladicta, a vampire who was fed up of the life of a female vampire “acting crazy all the time, velvet dresses, under wired nightgowns, don’t even get me started on the bathing in virgin’s blood”. He then dresses as a man - for women fighting was considered an ‘abomination’ by their rather random and strange God; Nuggan, but then so is dressing like a man, so he couldn’t really win either way - and joined the Tenth Foot Light Infantry (Aka the ‘Cheesemongers’ Aka “The In’s and Outs”) of the Borogravian army. It turned out every member of his regiment had the same idea of getting into the army. Oops. He was soon promoted to Corporal, after the original ran off, and due to his upper class, “serve me now” nature. Unfortunately, the old Corporal destroyed her coffee machine. He slowly started to lose his sanity having contagious hallucinations (or Flashsides) of a war in a completely different world involving jungles and ‘flying machines’. He very almost reverted to a true vampire, endangering her regiment. Vimes dropped a sack of coffee on him, which he sucked down regardless of being unconscious. He woke up later with an intense coffee rush, but was nevertheless able to go with Polly and Jade to make a truce with the opposing army. He managed to keep his birth gender hidden until the end of the story, where he finally blurted it out as being biologically female. He also carries a sword, stating it’s for the protection of others. If they a see a sword, they’re less likely to attack him and so he can avoid simply ripping their heads off. Abilities *He can walk into sunlight, but a bright flash of light will cause him to crumble into dust. For this, he carries the standard vampire kit of a card stating “I’ve crumbled and I can’t get up” - giving instructions to put a drop of blood on the dust pile so he can reanimate himself. *Enhanced strength and speed *Enhanced senses *He can be killed by a stake to the heart. Any other vampire abilities he may or may not have will have been severely weakened by him not drinking blood. Personality Maladict, like most Discworld vampires, is always Sauvé and has an air of knowing exactly what’s going on at any given time, even if he doesn’t. He’s got a sarcastic streak he can hide incredibly well, which is a good skill in the army when you want to make a snide comment at a higher ranking officer. He has a tendency to lean on things when she stops, giving an overall appearance of someone for whom everything comes easy. He’s the type of person who’s so cool, you just want to smack them. Along with his coffee addiction, he is also an avid smoker, anything to get his mind off the B-word. The Black Ribboner “I am a reformed vampire, which is to say, I am a bundle of suppressed instincts held together with spit and coffee. It would be wrong to say that violent, tearing carnage does not come easily to me. It’s not tearing your throats out that doesn’t come easy to me. Please don’t make it any harder.” Maladict is a member of the Überwald League of Temperance, Aka The Black Ribboners. Vampires soon caught on that if they wanted to avoid being hunted down by mobs with burning torches and pitchforks, they had to, essentially, stop being vampires. They created the Überwald League of Temperance, for which members swore off human blood, offering support group meetings to help them through the process. Members make themselves known by the black ribbon they wear. Maladict has been a part of the League for two years, having not touched a drop of human blood in all that time. He transferred his craving for blood into a craving for coffee, which he feeds with a small portable coffee machine he keeps with him at all times. When deprived of coffee, he will have wild delusions, contagious hallucinations before finally reverting to a deadly true vampire. Since his near-miss in the war, he wears a necklace of coffee beans for emergencies. Relationships 'Canon' *'Alice “Wazzer” Goom' - She joined the army because she was “sent by the Duchess”, the member of royalty that the people of Borogravia prayed to more than their actual God. Though the regiment thought she was crazy, it turned out she was telling the truth. Think Joan of Arc without the horrible end. *'Betty “Shufti” Manickle' - She joined to find the father of her unborn child. Shufti was a brilliant cook, feeding the regiment with just about anything she could lay her hands on. She stabilised Maladict with an acorn-based coffee substitute for a little while. *'Blouse' - Lieutenant of the regiment and actually a real man, though you really wouldn’t have guessed it. He is wet behind the ears, having worked at a desk job before being put into the ranks. He is understanding to his ‘men’ however, and when he discovers their secret stands by them. *'“Carbonundrum” Jade' - A troll who joined simply because she felt like it. She still needed to adopt a male alias, however. You just didn’t get in Jade’s way if you still liked having bones. *'“Igor” Igorina' - The regiment’s medic and an Igor. She joined so she could convince other Igors to let her do surgery, instead of just stitch work. Maladict trusted Igorina with her life, literally, expecting her to stake him if he became a danger to anyone. *'Jack Jackrum' - His commanding sergeant. Jackrum acted as a mentor to all of the regiment, and was in on all their secret’s but Maladict’s. *'Magda “Tonker” Halter' - She joined with her girlfriend, Lofty, to escape the harsh girls school in the village. All the abuse has toughened her, and she tends to act very quickly without thinking. Maladict was quick to work out that Tonker was a girl and clued Polly in on the fact. *'Polly “Oliver” “Ozzer” Perks' - Her closest friend in the Regiment. Polly joined to find her lost brother. She ended up being the only other member to stay in the army other than Maladict, enjoying the life and the chance to do some good. *'Tilda “Lofty” Tewt' - Escaped the girls school with her girlfriend, Tonker. She had gone very much into herself due to the abuse at the school, and said very little. She was an expert with fires, however, and could make just about anything explode with great violence. *'Strappi' - Nasty piece of work and Maladict’s predecessor. He destroyed Mal's coffee machine. To say Maladict hates this man would be a grievous understatement. 'Telos' *'Blue' - Nice gal. She’s named after a colour. Mal notices odd things. *' Briar' - At least this one understands the concept of magic. *' Ianto' - His roommate. He sounds like he’s from Llamedos. He makes DAMN fine coffee, which makes up for any of his shortcomings. *'Marvin' - He’s abrasive, which suits Mal just fine. *' Rosalind' - A… ‘Turk’? People are strange here. Life in Telos *Arrives and finds he has a roommate. Links. Entries, threads and logs For Tropes, see: Flock of Wolves, Must Have Caffeine and Our Vampires are Different